Saturday, June 26, 2010

I hate...

I open my window too big and the strong wind rushes in, making me freeze cause i'm just sitting next to the window. I close it a bit more and it slams shut and refuses to let me open it such that there is a balance between window being able to stay open/ moderate amount of wind coming in such that I do not freeze. What ensues would be a period of cold/warm/cold/warm in which i open the window really wide, get cold and close the window, get warm and open the window really wide and so on and so forth.

My friend gets sad, or at least I think she/he does because of something she/he says/writes and then I feel so sad too and then I feel like crying. Only that I can't freaking cry because my tear glands don't work properly anymore. So I'm stuck with the incredibly sad feeling of wanting to cry and not able to get rid of it cause I can't actually cry. Do you know how horrible and conflicted it feels like to want to cry but not being able to??? Then I go stare at the mirror to see if my feelings can be noticed by observers like my mum because I don't want them to start asking questions like why I look so sad/tired even though I slept till 1pm. And then arrive at a conclusion that it is my lack of exercise that results in my 'droopiness' and subsequently try to drag me to the gym even though I have CTs soon and have wasted enough time being sad/ surfing the net and thus being exposed to above-mentioned saddening materials.

Being on MSN and MSN informing me that I have gotten an email from facebook and then I get all excited and wondering if this was the message I was waiting for. And then I try to open my email and it takes a really long time to load because my internet is really slow and mean and horrible to me. And then I start to think, maybe it isn't the message I'm waiting for, and I try to make myself less hopeful because I don't want to get disappointed if that wasn't the message I was waiting for, and all the while, my email is still loading. And finally it finishes loading and I get extremely happy because it IS the message I was waiting for, then I click it and to my horror I realise that Google Chrome isn't working properly so I can't open my email and read the message. Then I have to open Mozilla Firefox and wait even longer because Mozilla Firefox takes an even longer time to load my email than Google Chrome. And I hate this torrent of mixed/ever-changing emotions I have to go through just to read a message.

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