heart's cross-section

life is getting too complex for a simple person like me. please, do away with all the stupid shallow things such as money, grades and an A on a piece of paper that can be so easily burnt it does nothing to reflect the immense amount of effort that has been put in to get it. the time and energy sacrificed can be well spent on the more important things in life, such as relationships, love and care for the community. stuck in the cemented walls of society, when can i venture out into the loving embrace of nature? i find it absolutely sad and ironic that development, the very thing that is supposed to make our life better, is doing the exact opposite. it is making our life more complex, more stressful, such that our path to happiness is strewn with obstacles, twists and turns. it is a bloody maze, one that few manage to escape from to reach the final goal.

i'm thinking, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to travel to the secluded mountains high up in a bid to gain spiritual enlightenment and fulfillment. If this is the way to gain serenity and peace, then why is it so objectionable? i see nothing wrong in it, there is only tranquility in this path i see.

but maybe i'm being too pessimistic of my life now. I'm not being ungrateful, I do think I'm more fortunate than most, what with my $918 French lunch and nice standards of living and wonderful friends and a loving family. And, the grass on the other side is always greener. Maybe I'm having a too idealistic view of another path if my world wasn't so complex and developed. What is to say that the other life would not be even more stressful and difficult than my current one? Though I might think some things like money and power and luxury aren't too important to me, would I have the courage to give up all these if I am given the opportunity to escape from my current life and be reborn? The answer, is sadly, but most probably, No.

But still, I can't help but feel sad and empty, that life has become so meaningless and materialistic. Will there be any difference in the world if I do not exist? What have I contributed to this world, and why does the world exist in the first place?

haha, i'm not sure if i'm making sense but never mind...